Should I “spank” my children, is a question that made its self-present to me since before I had a child and even before I was married. I personally grew up in a home with what seemed like a healthy physical discipline but as an adult I still wonder if spanking is right. As a Christian mother I must, of course, turn to the word of God for guidance.
Physical discipline is mention several times as a positive thing in the bible.
Proverbs 13:24 those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them. Proverbs 23:13 don’t fail to discipline your children. The rod of punishment won’t kill them. Proverbs 23:14 physical discipline may save them from death. 2 Samuel 7:14 if he sins, I will correct and discipline him with the rod, like any father would do. Proverbs 22:15 a youngsters heart is filled with foolishness, but physical discipline will drive it far away. Proverbs 29:15 to discipline a child produces wisdom, but a mother is disgraced by an undisciplined child.
I know that the word of the lord encourages physical discipline but I can’t help but be weary of the way it’s carried out. I know that man is slave to their flesh; I know that humans make mistakes all the time. Sometimes we have short tempers and bad attitudes; sometime we act according to our flesh. So when is physical discipline a safe and healthy punishment based on God’s word? And when is it just our impatience and lack of grace with our children getting the best of us?
I believe that the physical discipline God calls us to express to our children MUST be done in wisdom and patients or else it is abusive. If we are walking with Christ, even the punishments that we carry out should match up with the word of God.
Ephesians 4:29 don’t use foul or abusive language; let everything you say be good and helpful so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear. Psalms 11:5 the lord hates those who love violence. Colossians 3:21 fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, lest they become discouraged. Ephesians 4:31 be rid of rage, anger, harsh words and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Ephesians 6:4 do not provoke your children to anger by the way you lead them. Rather bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the lord.
I pray that the discipline I give my child will not be based on my flesh. I personally believe if you are spanking your child, smacking their fingers, smacking there mouth, hitting there bums, out of anger or a bad temper from your own negative feelings, then it is NO different in their eyes AND the eyes of God, than abusing them.
It’s terrifying to even ADMIT that we are capable of abusing our children! But it is something that we must allow ourselves to know, in order to prevent it from happening. I must always remind myself that I am not a perfect being, an AM capable of harming my children mentally, emotionally, and physically. WE are capable, weather we are aware of it or not, of hurting our children in VERY negative ways. Satan CAN use us as weapons to harm our children’s spirits if we aren’t CONSTANTLY seeking Gods guidance and guarding our hearts and mouths.
I’m afraid that if I spank my child one time because he was testing my patience, that I will never know the healthy limit. When is it appropriate to smack my child across the mouth, or smack their fingers, or hit there butts? When he is disobeying me and back talking me? Arguing with me? If we are disagreeing on a subject or if he’s annoying me? Maybe he’s doing bad things to get my attention? But what if he’s hurting my feelings, not necessarily saying anything bad, just emotionally hurting me, can I smack his mouth then? We can never know when it’s safe, biblical, and appropriate unless we take a step back from the situation and test the crime against Gods commandments EVERY SINGLE TIME!
For me that means, taking a deep breath, making sure that my flesh is calm, saying a quick prayer of guidance, talking to my child about what they did wrong and THEN if I know in my spirit that he stills needs to have serious consequences, then I will take him out of the eyes of the public and spank his butt….
I refuse to spank, smack, or hit my child without calming my flesh down and thinking things through first. I want them to know that we did what we had to do, based on their actions and not based on our feelings or emotions.
Maybe this is completely wrong; maybe it is totally fine to just smack our kids across the mouth the moment something wrong slips out?! But like I said, I am TERRIFIED of putting the wrong spirit into my children. Praying and testing the word of God I have come to the conclusion that God wants us to put a healthy discipline into our children. For my son to have a HEALTHY respect for his mother and father, that is what we want to obtain!
Physically punishing your child without discussing what they did wrong is NOT helping them learn a lesson. Your children may never do that bad thing ever again, but it won’t be out of wisdom and respect, but it will be out of FEAR. God does not want us to put a spirit of fear into our children but a spirit of respect and discipline.
They need to learn from their mistakes. If your child has no idea why he is getting smacked or spanked, then not only are you teaching them to be afraid, but what you’re doing is called abuse. Punishment without explanation is abuse! You need to explain to your child, make it good and clear what it is that they are being punished for, and the reason why it’s wrong. They need to know that if they improve in this area, that they will NOT have a physical punishment to deal with.
I desire for my children to respect us in a positive way, to feel comfortable speaking to us about mistakes they’ve made or sins they’ve committed. I want them to know that there are consequences for their actions, but not in a way that makes them terrified to speak to us. I don’t want them to be well behaved children if it is simply out of fear of being hurt emotionally or physically.
I will never be a perfect parent and I accept that, but I want to try to be the best version of myself that I can be and please the lord the best that I can, for the sake of my husband and children! And when I do make mistakes as a mom, I hope to always be willing to apologize and learn from my mistakes. As I am still seeking Gods clarity and guidance on this subject I would love to hear other opinions and advice on the matter. My son is only four months old so I still have awhile before I need to worry about punishing him, until then I will continue to pray for wisdom!
My Young Married Life 